It really amazes me how God really work. I’m not a type of person that jump up and down when I’m filled with joy but I feel like I have ants in my pants and I just want to shout about God’s blessings. I never had a life where things were handed to me but now looking back, I think in a way it was.
I applied to a job, (by the way it’s a really great job) and they actually called me back for a phone interview. Now, some may think there’s no reason for me to be so happy since it’s just an interview. But the way I look at it is that’s all I needed. I truly believe the first step is the battle and everything that follows is destiny. I believe God’s power is the reason for my happiness and future success and for that reason alone
I AM FILLED WITH JOY.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
First Inner thougts
So jumping right in….
The one thing that I must say that really bothers me is when I let other people emotions affect how I feel at that time. The classic situation, if a negative energy comes in a crowded room that once was filled with laughter and loves but that one person changes it to cold and bitter. I want to be that person that still smiles while that energy is lurking around.
I have been dating Him for about three years now and at this point he can change my smile upside down just in a few words. I have to admit I am over sensitive but it still goes back to me allowing myself to be diverted in such a manner. As I stated before, I really care about people and when I fall in love, I enmesh myself in that person. I am told that you can make someone feel trapped by always wanting to be with that person but I think that is just a crock of you know what. I have to admit that’s just how I am. I’m not only in love with Him but I’m in love with being around Him. Any entertainment or trip or function is not the same nor can I fully enjoy it if Him is not there with me. Maybe it’s my abandonment or attachment issue but maybe it’s not. I don’t know what it really is but I know that’s just apart of me. I’m not an air head, I do understand alone and separation time is needed in a relationship but I just think some things should be share with that special one.
A holiday out of state day trip is one of them. I have always dreamed of going to New York in Rockafella area or whatever it’s call and go ice skating or eat a candlelight dinner by it and watch as couples fall all over each other. Going window shopping (cause that’s all I can afford to do) on 5th avenue at the high end stores. Just seeing the city light up for the holiday season is a sight by itself. But doing this without Him wouldn’t mean much to me. Yes I would enjoy it but it wouldn’t give me that “picture perfect” feeling. But seeing Him so determine to go to this beautiful city without me during this time kills that dream. He’s not a child that I could tell “you won’t have fun without me” but a man that will enjoy it whether I’m next to him, sick at home or hundred miles away, it really don’t matter. But to be fair, if he was going to any trip or adventure without me I would want to go and be apart of it. I don’t know. I just think certain things are meant for couples. I wish I could just say to him “ honey, I’m going on a day trip with my friends out of the state, and I’ll see you later on” without feeling like I won’t enjoy myself without him and I only want to go with him. I know it don’t sound like a big deal to just go somewhere for the day but I’m looking at it the long run, which are the memories that I would share with Him. Him just makes me feel like I should break away and be a free spirit.
And Maybe I should…..
The one thing that I must say that really bothers me is when I let other people emotions affect how I feel at that time. The classic situation, if a negative energy comes in a crowded room that once was filled with laughter and loves but that one person changes it to cold and bitter. I want to be that person that still smiles while that energy is lurking around.
I have been dating Him for about three years now and at this point he can change my smile upside down just in a few words. I have to admit I am over sensitive but it still goes back to me allowing myself to be diverted in such a manner. As I stated before, I really care about people and when I fall in love, I enmesh myself in that person. I am told that you can make someone feel trapped by always wanting to be with that person but I think that is just a crock of you know what. I have to admit that’s just how I am. I’m not only in love with Him but I’m in love with being around Him. Any entertainment or trip or function is not the same nor can I fully enjoy it if Him is not there with me. Maybe it’s my abandonment or attachment issue but maybe it’s not. I don’t know what it really is but I know that’s just apart of me. I’m not an air head, I do understand alone and separation time is needed in a relationship but I just think some things should be share with that special one.
A holiday out of state day trip is one of them. I have always dreamed of going to New York in Rockafella area or whatever it’s call and go ice skating or eat a candlelight dinner by it and watch as couples fall all over each other. Going window shopping (cause that’s all I can afford to do) on 5th avenue at the high end stores. Just seeing the city light up for the holiday season is a sight by itself. But doing this without Him wouldn’t mean much to me. Yes I would enjoy it but it wouldn’t give me that “picture perfect” feeling. But seeing Him so determine to go to this beautiful city without me during this time kills that dream. He’s not a child that I could tell “you won’t have fun without me” but a man that will enjoy it whether I’m next to him, sick at home or hundred miles away, it really don’t matter. But to be fair, if he was going to any trip or adventure without me I would want to go and be apart of it. I don’t know. I just think certain things are meant for couples. I wish I could just say to him “ honey, I’m going on a day trip with my friends out of the state, and I’ll see you later on” without feeling like I won’t enjoy myself without him and I only want to go with him. I know it don’t sound like a big deal to just go somewhere for the day but I’m looking at it the long run, which are the memories that I would share with Him. Him just makes me feel like I should break away and be a free spirit.
And Maybe I should…..
So let's begin......
This is new to me. I never had a blog and as far as a diary, well let’s just say busy bodies mothers always keep me away from them. It funny how things change because now I’m writing and letting the whole world see my inner thoughts. So let’s begin…
I wanted to start a blog because I have a lot of emotions and I’m usually very open with people about how I feel, although I think that need to end. Many people that I expressed myself to don’t really understand me nor do I think it does any good. It feels lonely to be the only one that thinks the way you do. Yes, I can be opinionated but the truth is that I care so much about the people I love that when they are going thru something, in my heart I feel like I am to. Some think that I’m trying to justify it but whole hearting that is the truth.
Most of the times I have nothing interesting to say and people say my thoughts are interesting only because they think I’m crazy. Hey, maybe I am but I can only be who I am. As a result, I am here saying what I always wanted to say, sharing thoughts and dreams that I keep within me. Maybe in the mist of it all I will find that person that I never knew who “think like I think”.
I wanted to start a blog because I have a lot of emotions and I’m usually very open with people about how I feel, although I think that need to end. Many people that I expressed myself to don’t really understand me nor do I think it does any good. It feels lonely to be the only one that thinks the way you do. Yes, I can be opinionated but the truth is that I care so much about the people I love that when they are going thru something, in my heart I feel like I am to. Some think that I’m trying to justify it but whole hearting that is the truth.
Most of the times I have nothing interesting to say and people say my thoughts are interesting only because they think I’m crazy. Hey, maybe I am but I can only be who I am. As a result, I am here saying what I always wanted to say, sharing thoughts and dreams that I keep within me. Maybe in the mist of it all I will find that person that I never knew who “think like I think”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)